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I don't know why I'm bothering. I'm spending all this time trying to update my portfolio site. And it's just a waste. It's not going to get me a job. I'll never really land that "creative" position I think will give me job satisfaction.
I just keep thinking that I had my shot... I had the only decent paying job I'll ever have. I was 38 when I got what most people would get in their early 20s. And I quit it. I quit without a backup job, without a plan. I should have just sucked it up. Been miserable, but at least I'd be making an almost livable wage.
I've applied for two part-time positions that don't require any real skill set. Just grunt work type positions. But I was formally rejected from one and the other I just... never heard back from. So now I have the crushing realization that I'm probably not even gonna get a temporary part time job while I look for something... more significant.
I just feel so... worthless. That I'm a failure at everything I try. That I can't tough it out. A waste of potential. It was one reason it took me so long to quit the toxic company I was in. Because I knew there wasn't anything else out that I could get, even if I was qualified.
So... I don't know. It feels like the universe said "you had one shot and you blew it kid." I'm just... a drain on everyone I knew because I can't handle anything. I knew today was going to suck...
I just keep thinking that I had my shot... I had the only decent paying job I'll ever have. I was 38 when I got what most people would get in their early 20s. And I quit it. I quit without a backup job, without a plan. I should have just sucked it up. Been miserable, but at least I'd be making an almost livable wage.
I've applied for two part-time positions that don't require any real skill set. Just grunt work type positions. But I was formally rejected from one and the other I just... never heard back from. So now I have the crushing realization that I'm probably not even gonna get a temporary part time job while I look for something... more significant.
I just feel so... worthless. That I'm a failure at everything I try. That I can't tough it out. A waste of potential. It was one reason it took me so long to quit the toxic company I was in. Because I knew there wasn't anything else out that I could get, even if I was qualified.
So... I don't know. It feels like the universe said "you had one shot and you blew it kid." I'm just... a drain on everyone I knew because I can't handle anything. I knew today was going to suck...
