kaztiel: (11. sad)
I don't feel like a creative.

I tried some craft fairs this year, thinking that perhaps the anime scene is not the right one anymore for my crafts. None of them yielded the results I was hoping for. It's left me to wonder if there truly is an audience for what I make. To wonder what the point is. Since the last event at the end of October I haven't created anything. I've had no motivation to create anything.

The editor I've been working with to create book covers for has put the commissions on hold. So I've not worked on anything graphic design related in over two months. It had been my biggest source of income recently. So it's not just a creative failure I feel there but a financial one as well.

The holidays are in full swing and this year, like last, I'm having a hard time enjoying the gift buying experience for most people. I question if anything I've got will be liked or appreciated.

My partner is having a good Christmas rush and I've found lately that it's disheartening for me. Not because she is having success, but that it once more has me questioning what I'm doing with my life trying to be an artist. I don't feel successful at it, like I don't truly know what people are interested in. That my art is... unappealing.

My imposter syndrome has been on overdrive. I feel like I should switch art mediums, only I don't even know what else to do.
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